earth to the world

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I keep saying that I'm sorry. I know it's strange, strange in a "George W. Bush hasn't been assassinated yet" kind of way, but I say I'm sorry for stupid shit and trivial things. And she sings the sweet logic that "apologies should grow like trees only able to bare fruit if its root is planted in the soil of genuine sincerity". But I somehow manage to parody each apology by speaking it before I react and the fact is I'm not really sorry that I completely dig Degrassi. Because it was Yik and Arthur that got me through wet dreams and puberty. Lady, I don't expect you to understand the reference but I've been into this shit ever since the casting director said, "fuck physicality, give me some reality, give me kids who can’t act and are ugly, they'll teach the world about beauty." Lady, I can relate to this because before I met you I used to want to lock myself into a vault just to feel precious but now with every kiss hello and goodbye I feel a self worth no banker could tally. And my heart is a protest that I let rally against my ribs because I want to build my bones into cribs and lay my reluctance to rest; test what it would be like to live frenetically, to hold you unapologetically, to plant a giving tree on my front lawn so that when you're gone it can give you back to me. And I'm sorry that when you sleep next to me you're forced to listen to the symphony of the unplugged nostril and I'm sorry that for one time for some reason I called you ma'am, that's fucked up. Fucked up in an, "I just bought a pair of Speedos so I could go swimming with you" kind of way. And crazier than that is the fact that I will play at being brave because doubt is about as useful as a fire escape when you are trying to dodge a tidal wave. When you've got no time to save anyone but yourself you better believe you're worth it and you are worth the time it takes to take the time to get to know you. We've managed to muddle through the awkward stages of "I like you" and "do you like me" and when we both said yes life became a multiple choice test; not knowing anything we became each others best guess. And holding your hand is less like exploration and more like discovery. Lady, I don't have to study you to be sure you were the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were. And like the best idea I'll ever have I want you to occur to me daily. And I'm sorry but I want to kiss you every time you have something incredible to say but you're beautiful, beautiful in a "you" kind of way. You're like the long lost vinyl of Louis Armstrong and I want to play you and play you until it skips. I want to tell you a secret and I want you to listen with your lips. I want my hands on your hips like they are on their final resting place and put that funeral onto paper so you can trace their life time back to the fact that I'm more inclined to find a space in your heart to haunt for as long as you want me too. Lady, I'll rattle chains up and down the halls of you. And this isn't the greatest romance of the world has ever seen. Lets face it we've been making out to songs about break up and heart ache but I've come to realize that romance should be less like a flower and more like an earthquake. And I'm not saying I want to shake cities to the ground. I'm not saying I want the rubble that remains to become a lost and found where we find the kind of tolerance it takes to rebuild in the face of tragedy. Because I'm tired of living in a world that says people only come together when faced with catastrophe. I want you, to want me, to be the me you see when I'm free to be the me that got me next to you. And as for romance? Well, I want that too. I want to fall asleep next to you, 100 times a night, so I can know you 100 times better before we hit the day light. And despite all of this, I also want amnesia so I can relive each kiss with a perfect newness that leaves me smashed in the arms of rapture. I want the sky to fracture under the impossible weight of an apology because I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I want so much. I'm sorry that I'm using "I'm sorry" as a crutch to lean on for so long but if you sing me that song of sweet logic again then I promise to make the effort to stand on my own. There is a reason that our hearts are more like a muscle and less like a bone. I've known so many people who've have grown up flexing in front of mirrors and falling for their own reflection as if that's adequate but that's bullshit. Because we only get now until the time we go and if they've only got time to love themselves then nobody is going to be around to hear the sound of their heartbeat echo. So lady, don't expect an apology when I tell you I'm only held together by a heart that pumps blue, it's the strongest muscle in my body and I'm flexing it for you.